Test by mslady78 featuring a brown jacket

Floral dress

WearAll plus size shirt
$15 – wearall.com

Cotton jacket
$85 – surfstitch.com

Hudson Jeans skinny jeans

Folter white pleated skirt

Marni rose earrings
$425 – mytheresa.com

Fake earrings

Missguided hoop earrings

Hoop earrings


174.4 lbs. 

Not headed in the right direction. The medicine isn’t working the same. I’m also so tired that I don’t want to work out. 

I miss being young. I would’ve had something to look forward to that would’ve served as big milestone. None of that, anymore. 

My 30s have sucked. Hard. I’m not looking forward to 40. I don’t think change is possible anymore. 



A L C white lace shirt

Alice + Olivia red short shorts
$250 – net-a-porter.com

Sophia Webster black ankle strap sandals
$765 – net-a-porter.com

Gucci floral print purse

Lalique jewelry
$11,280 – luisaviaroma.com



MSGM cotton blouse
$1,010 – farfetch.com

Chloé wedge sandals

Yves Saint Laurent leather handbag
$2,475 – forwardbyelysewalker.com

Dolce gabbana sunglasses
$1,680 – farfetch.com

5 seconds.

I’m back on sax – took 1.2 today and could immediately feel a difference. My appetite is gone and my cravings for sweets all but vanish. It’s like it gives me back control of myself. I desperately need it as I don’t have control over anything else in my life.

That’s why I’m going to focus on fitness. I can run, jump (sorta) and lift. That’s something I can control. I can also control what goes into my mouth.  It may sound like a complaint, but it’s really a blessing. I’ve seen what your body betraying you looks like. When you want to walk, but can’t even stand up. I don’t have an excuse other than “it’s too early” or “I don’t really feel like it”. Too bad.

I accidentally kept my Audible membership going for a few months and racked up some credits  Today I purchased The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage. The basic premise is that when you have an idea. you have about 5 seconds before your brain begins to talk you out of it. Therefore, you have to countdown and then “GO” – take action. That’s all I know right now. I’ll have to listen for the rest.

This ties into my excuses because I need to find a way to circumvent them. I can feel it when I start to weasel out of exercising. Instead, I just need to “GO” – running, to the gym, do an exercise tape. Don’t wait. Just grab the bare essentials and go.

30 days to go….

30 Days. 

I was so close to being somewhat normal. Then I scales back on the medication, started eating everything in sight and now I’m a mess. 

I have a big event in a month followed by a beach trip. I’m not going to look anywhere near like what I wanted. I lack discipline. So part of me thinks why bother? But I know I can’t listen to that voice otherwise I’ll keep hiding from the world.